I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
