how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
