They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
one two three fourrrrnication!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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