How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
