Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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