in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
