Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
