i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
