Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
