you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
