I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize