i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
