my phone needs a breathalizer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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