I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
