The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i out mim tonsoeep
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