I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
