Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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