I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
