Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
