Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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