I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
