I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
