Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
