i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
