i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He better not be in your backpack
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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