...so i touched it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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