How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
