Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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