We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
