absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
