Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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