need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize