remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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