He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
