I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
