did you get engaged???
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
