Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
