Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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