still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
