True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
