She said her name was "party"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize