Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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