oh god the rape fog is back!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
