as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
