If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize