No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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