Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
