I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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