wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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