There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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