I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got chris browned last night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
