I am full of burrito and curiosity
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
