and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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