i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
