Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
