end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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