It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize