so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
