Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
