I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
