he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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