Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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