I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
