be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
