ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
