i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
