Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
