Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
