I wannas sexs uuuuu
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
