If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
