Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just cropdusted the office
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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