he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
