Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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