Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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