I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
