he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
