i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
