On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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