just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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