Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
