His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
