I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
