Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize