Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
