Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
