yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
