Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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