I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
