dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
