dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
