fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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