Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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