honey bunches of taint.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
