Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
