who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
