At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
