I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
