So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
