Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
