Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
