I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I stole a fireplace last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
