Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
