my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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