Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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