You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
